“I’m wearing so much leather, this could be a Netflix special”, is how I opened a recent set in a grungy Parisian underground open mic. “I just had a realization. I just started standup, I’m wearing a lot of leather and I’m 37 years old. This is my midlife crisis, but make it fabulous!” Since April of this year, I’ve been committing to getting in front of a crowd of fellow international people once a week and telling jokes. Sometimes in my native tongue and sometimes (gasp!) in French. After living in France for 15 years, living and breathing the language 24/7, it feels like a superpower being on stage and using my native language to make the people laugh.
Who starts doing standup at 37? I always had dreams of being a musical theatre actress, but put that on hold when I realized that I hated the rejection of auditioning. Instead I started working at the costume shop and that set me on a completely different path. But look who can deal with rejection and potential public embarrassment now? Me at 37! Who has 15 years of stories since deciding to live in Paris indefinitely? Me at 37! Doesn’t my speaking voice sound too much like a chipmunk on helium? Still me at 37 but I’m ok with that now!
I’ve been able to pinpoint this “midlife crisis” to a few things that have happened in the last year or two. I was alone at the park with my son looking up at an enormous rope pyramid. “You should climb it, maman” he begged. “Oh I don’t know. I could fall and how would I take care of you?” “Just try!” What is the worst that could happen? Sure I could fall and possibly break a limb, but maybe that means I’ll finally catch a break from motherhood and get to lay down. I thought at the time, “I know I can do this, so why don’t I just try. What’s the worst that could happen?” My feet were shaky as they shuffled up the pyramid one after the other. I worked my way all the way to the tippity top where I could see my son beaming down below jumping up and down in appraisal. “Bravo maman! T’es trop forte!” I faced my fear and said yes to a potential moment of exhilaration. And whatta high!
Flash forward to March of this year, I was so sick. Infections. Pink eye after pink eye. No matter how much I rested or how much antibiotics I took, I just couldn’t get better and feel good. I was in bed trying to pry myself up to start my day when I watched the opening monologue of the Oscars hosted by Jimmy Kimmel. I chuckled a bit and gasped “I can do this!” For the artists and creative people out there, you know that full-body inspiration where you have to seize upon the fleeting moment? That’s what it was. I wrote my first 5 minutes of jokes and signed up for an open mic, something I never even considered doing. I felt like I was going to vomit 48 hours before my first show, but I did it and I got many laughs. It was addictive. For me, I think I needed a post-baby, post-covid crazy thing to do regularly to push me forward. Not that I have copious amounts of free time to do standup as a mother and full-time artist. But I can commit to once a week. I try to find humor in my own visual work so I think performing in front of people is oftentimes easier than the process of sketching and painting. Standup was perfect for me because it was theatrical but I was in control of all the variables: the text, the performance and the vintage clothes that have recently comes out of hiding.
But enough about me, if you think about your creative life as a tree, maybe you could grow a new branch? What could it be? How can you lean into the FUN factor? It’s not about investing in a side hustle, but really just about finding the joy in something new. How can you face a fear to start planting seeds and see what happens?
Stay inspired, dear reader. And don’t drink the watercolor water. -jkw
Would you like to see me perform in Paris? Follow me on Instagram to stay up to date on gigs.
Looking for a way to support me and my work? My Etsy shop is fully stocked with wonderful and unique Christmas gifts.
“And I bless you: More Life.” -Angels in America by Tony Kushner